If you are interested in
having your
personal stories and/or photographs published on this website
send me an email.
Also,
I have access to the stories submitted for the Morgellons
Notebook and will publish any of them upon the original authors request.
Life With Morgellons -
Sunny's Story
From Sunny Simmons
9-24-9
I have been a Registered Nurse since
1977. Never in my worst nightmare could I have dreamed
the events in my life in the past several years. My
nightmare began back in the fall, 2001. This is when I
developed what was thought to be contact dermatitis; a
fancy name for skin rashes. Next, I was told it was head
& body lice or even scabies. This was not too far from
the impossible & considered to be just a job hazard. I
worked as a Public Health Dept R.N. I was treated by my
office docs, initially, without much thought to it.
However by Nov. 2001 it was clear that something more
involved was going on and I saw my first dermatologist.
He did a few punch biopsies of sores on my legs and arm.
These came back as inflamed tissue, negative for
parasites. No further tests were done. I will never
forget the last time I saw him. He came into the room
with one assistant; he then left. Upon returning he had
4 assistants with him. He said to me, "I don't know why
you think you have bugs in your skin but you don't. He
gave me a prescription for Orap. I sat in my car in the
parking lot and cried for a good hour. I never went
back.
In January 2002, I was found by a
local police officer wandering in the middle of the
night in the midst of a severe thunderstorm. Thinking I
was a victim of crime, I was taken to ER and had a CT
scan, which was normal. I have no memory of this entire
episode.
In April 2002, my hair on the left
side of my head totally sloughed off while shampooing.
About this time lab work by my general MD began coming
back with severe anemia & abnormal differentials.
However, my employer made me consult a Psychiatrist.
This doctor (Psychiatrist and a long time colleague) was
upset that my real illness was being ignored. He ordered
a few tests just to get started and stated that an
Infectious Disease Doctor should manage this. The MRI he
ordered in May 2002, was not done until July 2002. It
was shockingly positive for a few scattered unidentified
lesions in the white matter of all areas of the brain.
This was explained as possibly "normal aging process"
However; the CT scan from Jan '02 & previous MRI from
1997 were completely normal. (I was actually told that
the MRI was normal and only found out the real results
by accident).
This is just a brief view of how
life changed for me after being infected with
Morgellons. I'm sure all details are not necessary. I
will just do a condensed version of my Medical Situation
since being infected with Morgellons Disease. I was in a
unique position to be able to view this situation from
the patient's side as well as the medical providers'.
Outline of medical "care"
-- Summer, 2001 Initially began as
allergic rash poss. lice or scabies;
--treated off and on with various
ointments, etc.
-- only brief periods of relief &
became worse over time;
-- red streaks noted from wrists to
between fingers; on neck, arms, and legs. First derm
doctor who was a shocking disaster as previously
described.
--April, 2002 --Acutely worsened
with development of breathing difficulties, chest -
pleuratic pain; generalized skin lesions including
linear red streaks on neck, throat, legs, feet;
--allopecia with scalp lesions,
pedal & pretibial edema in L leg;
-- Vision & neuro changes including
decreased sensation with numbness L arm -L leg, slurred
speech, severe headaches;
--urinary incont.
--Lab CBC and differential continued
mild to moderately abnormal.
-May, 2002- Psychiatric,
Neurological and Dermatology referrals
-- Neuro consult recommended
referral for vision issues;
9-2002 2ND derm doc told me not to
see neurologist, eye specialist or any other doctor AND
not to have any lab work done. He Rx'd Zyprexa, which I
was to take for the next month. After being on this
medicine, he would then decide if I needed to go to the
other doctors. One dose of Zyprexa put me to sleep for 3
days; dose reduced per phone call with Dr's office;
--Received letter from Dermatologist
office-- had fungal culture report back from July '02
testing which revealed Aspergillius-no further follow up
persuaded since it was felt to be an unimportant
finding; about 2 week before I had received a letter
from him (2ND derm doc) dissolving our physician--
patient relationship, no explanation;
-- 10-2002 sudden onset of loss of
vision L eye. (This was less than a month since the derm
doc had told me not to go to any other Dr's.) Obtained
emergency appointment at SCO. Associated Professor at
the Southern College of Optometry found something in my
L eye which he was unable to identify; appeared as brown
speckles in the orbit, eyeball, tissue on underside of
eyelid; also noted an absence of the normal pulsation on
left side which indicated a blockage of blood flow to
left brain- this would sort of validate the neuro
symptoms but still not identified the causative agent.
--Infectious Disease Consult testing
inconclusive recommended referrals for biopsy of eye
tissue & spinal tap for spinal fluid analysis. Did not
obtain due to the derm docs orders.
--12-2002 discovered Morgellons
Research Foundation. It was Christmas Eve, possibly the
worst one of my life. As a direct result of this
disease, I had lost my marriage of over 20 yrs; my 2
sons were confused and frightened--not to mention the
fact that their futures were forever changed due to our
financial situation. I was forced into bankruptcy to
avoid losing our home.
--In 12-2002, MRF had made
connections with a retired NASA Physician in Houston,
TX. He was interested in seeing some of the Morgellons
patients. I traveled to his office from Memphis, Tn.
--In Feb '03, I was his 4Th patient
to be diagnosed with Morgellons Disease. Eventually, lab
work done later would confirm Lyme Disease, too.
-- --In June '03, my medical
insurance ended. COBRA was $700.00 a month. After the
bankruptcy was paid, I was left with $500.00 a month to
live on. Imagine 3 people living on that--utilities,
gas, car maintenance/repairs, food, medicines, school
supplies, etc. It just doesn't work very well. Because
of my sick leave benefits being $2070. I could not get
any assistance. It was not taken into consideration that
the bankruptcy court took nearly $1600.00 before I
received anything. These were the very same agencies
that I personally supported as well as worked with while
in my position in Community Services at the public
health dept. Never in my entire life had I sought help,
but now I truly needed it. I was stunned to be told that
my income to too high to qualify for ANY help. This
could not be happening!? It did. Reality hits hard with
life's lessons.
--This next year (2003-2004) was
even worst than the previous. I had no medical
insurance, limited finances, no family support, teenage
sons to care for (the youngest of which is handicapped),
and a disease no one knew about. When it is said, "My
plate is full" I understand first hand the meaning. My
faith in God is the only force that kept me going.
-- In July of 2003, two things
happened. First, I had an acute worsening of
neurological symptoms and was admitted to the hospital.
Since I was in Memphis, my Houston physician was not
able to manage my care. No one from this local hospital
called him as a professional courtesy. The 2ND day I was
there, an infectious disease doctor came in my room. He
stood at the door; it was about 6 AM. From the edge of
the room, he said that he did not believe in Lyme
Disease, and mentioned several other diseases, too. He
proceeded to inform me that he was the only I.F. doctor
on staff at that hospital; he sternly stated that he
would "not be involved with this disease" and added that
since no other I.F. doctor was available, I was out of
luck. On his way out, he stated, "Of course, you do have
your doctor in Texas!" He slammed the door upon leaving.
This whole scene took maybe 3 minutes. I still relive it
almost daily. I was in awe of this behavior. I had been
a medical professional for 26 yrs, yet, never had I
treated or seen a patient be treated in such a manner. I
was discharged home in a few days, no better and without
any answers.
Then, the next disaster hit. On July
22, 2003, a STORM with straight flat line winds of 102
mph hit our county. My home was nearly destroyed. The
entire county and surrounding areas were declared
Federal Disaster Areas. Due to my physical condition and
lack of personal support, my homeowners' insurance
company managed to get by without completely restoring
my home. This is still a deplorable situation that I
have to contend with every day.
In August of 2004, I qualified for
TennCare. At last I had medical coverage. Before, even
if I could manage to cover a doctor visit, it usually
was impossible to obtain the medications Rx'd, and any
lab requested was even further away. My last visit to
Houston had been in July'04. My doctor there had written
several Rxs as well as essential lab requests. I still
had them. As soon as I was notified of receiving
TennCare, I had the lab drawn and obtained the
medications. TennCare truly saved my life.
The loss of dignity and respect are
the worst part of Morgellons. I am a medical
professional and have been for better than a quarter of
a century. I have been certified as an expert in my
field by the Tenn courts and testified in cases for the
state. I was well thought of and respected. How could
that be ripped from me? Why was I suddenly not believed
concerning the signs and symptoms of this disease? What
had happened to the medical providers that wanted to
actually care for patients?
In Sept. of 2004, my doctor in
Houston retired from clinical practice--to focus on
research. No one in Memphis, a supposedly major medical
center, knew about or was willing to learn about
Morgellons Disease. It was financially impossible for me
to continue traveling to the few medical providers
actually treating Morgellons. They were located in areas
such as California, North Carolina, Texas. Even having
medical coverage, I still could not get proper medical
treatment. For the next 7 months, I continued following
my Houston doctors protocol as best as I could. I am
just thankful that I was a nurse and could understand
and follow upon what he had begun. Most Morgellons
patients were on their own. And, most are nurses as
well.
In February of 2005, a physician in
New Mexico came forth with information about Morgellons
Disease. He had been treating patients there with this
same condition, although termed it "The Fiber Disease"
and "Lisa's Disease". He had been researching this
strange infection and had developed a preliminary
protocol for treatment. He had experienced some amount
of success, although the research was an on going
process. A full clinical research program should have
been formed, but that takes money--lots of money. MRF
had very limited funds. Morgellons patients were
typically, as financially deflated as I was. The CDC
tried to ignore our existence. Public Health Depts which
are mandated by laws to protect the public ( & one at
which I actually worked) were of no help either.
In March of 2005, a local physician
in my area and I crossed paths. I had been seeing
providers in the office for depression related to my
disease and situation. This wonderful physician learned
of my dilemma and sought me out. It seemed that he had
other(s) which had symptoms like mine. He invited me to
make an appointment, which I immediately did. In March
2005, I saw him for the first time, I provided the
latest information about Morgellons for him to read as
well as contact numbers of others involved, Initially,
he followed the plan started by my retired physician in
Houston, After a while, he spoke with the physician in
New Mexico via phone. I began the new protocol in April
of 2005. After a rough start, I began to dramatically
improve, Over the past several years, medications have
been updated, adjusted; remissions and relapsing
experienced intermittently; and best of all, had hope
restored for my future as well as the futures of my
children. Yes, this wonderful physician welcomes any and
all Morgellons patients to his office. He has seen about
12 and helps other docs with theirs, too.
As we move into yet another new
year, I look towards the horizon with hope & a strong
sense of purpose. These past years have been so
horrible. But, I have come to realize that if I had not
had all the bad stuff, I would never have met such grand
and marvelous people who have enhanced my life to the
max! Today, I am still sick & continue to try a varied
protocol of medications. The victories have been few,
but oh so very sweet. I have about 10 good days a month,
& they are scattered about (not all together). The
8-month remission I experienced during the spring &
summer of 2005, gave me a burning determination to find
the answers we all need. I will never stop until God
directs me home.
I contracted Morgellons 29 years ago at the age of 22; I
have lived longer with it than without. It started when I
moved to a new subdivision started by my uncle and father in
Wellington, Utah. We lived in the subdivision without
incident for a time and than the privatized sewage plant
began to have issues.
I had one little girl who was 3 at the time and became
pregnant with the other while living in our new home. The
second pregnancy was a difficult one due to an Rh negative
factor. After the birth of my second child I decided to have
a tubal but a month after this I discovered I was pregnant
again. I carried the baby for six months; all the time
having strange sores on my body.
My husband's personality began to change and he became very
aggressive. I lost the baby after six months and my life
began to go into a downward spiral--one thing after another.
I got an itchy spot on my leg, one scratch and it opened to
a mucus looking stuff. I didn't sleep for many weeks; this
was very difficult having two small children that depended
on me. I had my aunt that was a pharmacy assistant come and
look and see if she could suggest something I could use as
it had become unbearable. I was too tired to go to the
doctors and was grateful for her advice; albeit nothing
worked and most things only seemed to make it worse.
Than it just went away, the sore healed strangely but I was
so glad for it to be gone and thought I was out of the
woods. Than came another sore; this time on my arm. The sore
was located between my elbow and wrist on the inside;
knowing how the first sore had healed so strangely I didn't
scratch at all. Not wanting to let it get to me, I was
outside doing yard work when I saw the crust had opened up
and I could see inside something that looked like thick
black fishing line. I knew that was incorrect and thought
perhaps it was something that had poked in from the outside;
I figured I needed to get it out.
I went into my home and grabbed a pair of tweezers and some
neosporin. I put the tweezers down in my arm about 3/4 of an
inch and grabbed the black line--boy was I surprised--I
pulled and it pulled back. At the same time in my upper arm
I felt something squeeze around my muscle. The squeeze was
so hard it dropped me to my knees in pain and black oil came
from my brow, face and neck area.
The first doctor I described this to asked, "What has the
government done now?" He gave me a few things and it finally
healed up but something wasn't right inside of me.
I had what seemed like lice at one point and scabies also;
but really don't think that is what they were. I had always
been very clean and organized and suddenly I couldn't think,
couldn't read numbers in a phone book and would have to call
my mom for help; it was awful.
My finger seemed to be pointing in several directions at the
same time as to how I was infected. The sewage plant was my
first thought and they were having problems. It smelled just
like an outhouse in July for several years; it was so bad
that tourists driving through the area wrote articles of
concern for the residents.
I was watching my children play with some neighborhood
children when I saw one little boy with a tank top on and a
rash much like the one that was circling my system--that is
when I went into action. I walked the neighborhood to see if
others were experiencing the same thing--everyone was
depleted--the rash moved around everyone's body in the same
way--the endocrine system was what seemed to be affected.
This can cause many symptoms and look like many different
things.
I was told by several workers at the plant that it had been
glowing fluorescent red. The news folks were called in and
it was compared to love canal; but before they arrived from
SLC (two weeks after they were called) much of the evidence
was cleaned up--the plant was working 24/7 to get rid of the
fluorescent red ----you could see the lights on and trucks
going in and out at all hours.
I spent two years collecting evidence and in one fell swoop
it was taken by a woman working for one of the corporations
that I connected to the strange events. She was also
involved in local politics and called to say she was
offering her assistance. I broke down in tears and Thanked
God for the help---(she was just there to insure that the
documentation I had would never made it to any significant
source).
I even went to the public health and the director told me
that the rash that was moving about my body--up one side and
than down the other --over and over in the same places --was
a spider.
At this point I was so disgusted--I may have been 22 and
duped by the witch that took my proof but suggesting a
spider is going to bite a persons body in the same places
over and over--that was over the top.
A national guardsman also became ill and died around the
same time; he lived on the other side of the sewage plant.
He was the only one to become ill in his unit that I know
of--I found that odd.
The army came in and made a statement which blamed his
illness on Hanta virus but the timing was so close I never
believed them.
I remember having a hard time waking from sleep and my body
felt as though I must have a fever although I never
registered one. I would have nightmares that were so bad I
began to hate to go to sleep; waking was also a problem and
with two small children to take care of I was very confused
as to what to do.
I also had Candida in every part of my body but no way to
treat with the regular medical system who didn't recognize
it at the time.
I remember my youngest just barely being able to sit up and
putting her in the tub with her older sister. I had started
the water and was on my knees with my hand under the faucet
while watching them the whole time. They started saying it
is too hot--to me it felt lukewarm --- that but they
insisted. So I quickly grabbed them and pulled them out of
the tub.
My husband had come in and began screaming at me and saying
I was crazy. I couldn't feel the heat from the water--I
would never do anything to hurt my children.
Several months later my sister was visiting and I dropped
something in a large, deep pan of boiling water. She went to
get something to scoop it out and I just put my hand in and
grabbed it--my skin didn't even go red. When she turned and
saw what I was doing her face fell in disbelief; but she had
just seen it with her own eyes.
I remember when I first made this comment and posted a
warning--after some science was looked into--they had me
post a Huge warning!
There was more weirdness that occurred with electrical
devices. I would walk by lights and they would go on and
off--the TV would change channels just by my walking by it.
One day I recall the washer not working, the dryer,
dishwasher and TV--my husband came home to me in tears and
he walked through and turned them all on. Streetlights would
also go on and off as I drove under them.
My family all but disowned me during this period of time,
the sun had become my enemy and I wore dark glasses even in
the house as my eyes were so sensitive to the light. I was
accused by everyone of doing drugs and I wasn't.
My hair began to fall out and the sores were so bad that I
would only shop at night; but this also had its drawbacks.
The electronic eye at the store would not register me and I
had to wait until someone else came to do my shopping. I
began to think perhaps I'm dead-----
I kept loosing weight; between the vomiting and the diarrhea
I dropped to 65lbs and looked like something from a
concentration camp.
I made two appointments with two different environmental
toxicologists in SLC, Utah; which was two hours from my
home. The appointments were scheduled for the same day
thinking I could save frustration and the cost of gas money.
I arrived at my first appointment right on time and was told
that my attorney called and they wouldn't be able to see me.
Not feeling well enough to argue; I proceeded to my next
appointment where I got the same story!!! At this point; I
asked to use their phone to call my attorney; he was
confused and said he hadn't called and wondered what the
hell was going on.
Needless to say, no one saw me that day and I realized that
I was up against many odds---I didn't even register the odds
I was up against fully until these last few years.
Over the years I was to receive different articles
suggesting something sinister was afoot but who would
listen. One magazine was called "Garbage" and showed the
connection to the mob; another was a newspaper article that
mentioned dimple dell golf course.
I also received a packet about 12 years ago--more on that
later--
-------------------------------------------------
Here is the part of my story that may be connecting dots:
A national guardsman also became ill and died around the
same time; he lived on the other side of the sewage plant.
He was the only one to become ill in his unit that I know
of--I found that odd.
The army came in and made a statement which blamed his
illness on Hanta virus but the timing was so close I never
believed them.
----------------------------------------------
The above part of my story could very well be something to
do with why the Army Pathology was called into the CDC
investigation; albeit I don't expect much truth to come from
it.
-------------------------------------------------
And what of the sewage plant fluorescing red
Akin to cancer, Morgellons has no
regard for ones life. I've tried everything possible
these last 6 years to try and defeat this disease. But
all it's brought me is useless searching... and a
financial drain as well. At this point, I've been unable
to find anything to even help relieve the symptoms.
Morgellons has taken all I ever knew life to be and
turned it into a living hell. It also took the lives of
my sweet dogs, and my heart will never stop hurting for
that reason alone. It's taken my body and allowed my
mind to leave me feeling all alone in a thick fog... and
it dares me to try to find my way home. It's also
brought me to have feelings of such regret knowing now
that I'd never even realized how good life once was.
It quickly
attacked my faith as well, and any hope that someone
somewhere would find the answers so a cure might be
found... or a way found for the body to reject it. But
there still are no answers... so it remains on it's path
of destruction as it continues to invade my body and my
environment. It also tries to invade my soul... but at
least I have God to protect me from it ever being able
to take that from me.
The "sci-fi" properties Morgellons
holds seem to be one of its deadliest weapons. It's a
disease one would never imagine could even exist in our
world. It also has the ability to mimic, self assemble,
replicate, and hide itself to where the body's own
immune system is never sent a signal to attack it. The
only attack that takes place is one that only heightens
the fear and loneliness you're already feeling... an
attack brought on by the mere telling of its symptoms.
To reach out for
help requires an explanation ... but instead of
listening with any amount of compassion, you're attacked
and judged about your state of mind. Talking about
Morgellons to anyone who's not experiencing it will only
give them reason to believe you've gone insane... which
fills you with even more fear and emptiness inside. Then
there are those in the medical field you once trusted
would help you. Not only will they not even bother to
examine or test you... they step back and immediately
give you a diagnosis of delusional. Again... you feel as
though you're a frightened child trying to wake from a
nightmare. But instead, the nightmare doesn't end...
you've been locked in a dark room and left there to find
ways to survive the disease on your own. At least my
family has never questioned my sanity... and I thank God
for that too. They've supported me and fought for me all
the way. But it was when I found others who are
suffering this disease that gave me the strength and
courage to go on.
It was the beautiful people at the
support group I found who understood and knew what this
disease does to one's life. They gave me the validation
I so desperately needed... I knew I wasn't alone
anymore. I could talk openly about what was happening to
me without the fear of being judged as a mental case. No
matter how bizarre the symptom, they understood every
single word I said. It didn't even matter if they were
suffering terribly on any given day... they were always
there for me. They became my lifeline then and they
still are today.
As far as my old
friends go, I lost most of them due to Morgellons...
friends who decided I'd lost my mind instead of
believing I was suffering a disease. After experiencing
that, I never expected I'd end up making new ones. But I
did through my support group... and they've become some
of the most beautiful friends I've ever known. Even
though each one is fighting for their life, their hearts
have remained full of love and compassion. Because of
them, I was also finally able to let go of the need I
had for my long time friends to believe what I'm
experiencing is real. It was the support I needed and
found elsewhere that finally made me realize how
difficult it must be for those who haven't been
afflicted to be able to grasp onto something so
bizarre... and to believe it's real. I think most people
would have to experience this disease first hand to be
convinced it is indeed very real. Even though I live it
day in and day out myself, it's still hard for me to
believe it is. But it is... the Morgellons nightmare is
very very real.
I thank God every day for leading
me to my support group. To friends He knew would give me
the love and support I'd need to get through this
ordeal. I also pray for each of us to find the strength
within to go on and that a cure be found soon. I pray
for the ones who couldn't bear the pain any longer
too... their lives gone forever, taken by suicide.
Every Morgie has
allowed suicide to enter their mind at one point or
another... including myself. The general public hasn't
been informed about what it's effects are, other than it
produces skin lesions, "fibers", and causes biting and
crawling sensations. But there's so much more that needs
to be told to understand the horrific effects of it on
the body... and mind. To understand why it's brought
some of its victims to suicide...
Morgellons
produces electricity... giving you more than the normal
amount the human body holds. At times you feel like high
voltage wires are shooting through every nerve ending in
your body. To see actual sparks in your skin (or as I
do, see them emit thru the tips of my fingers when I
strike the keys on my keyboard) and to feel electrifying
jolts of pain throughout your body, doesn't even begin
to describe Morgellons.
The fiber strands
feel like a metal corkscrew with an electrical charge
twisting in and out of your skin. Once they become
embedded and adhere beneath the skins surface, they
begin to elongate and connect... and the building of a
network (much like a fungal network) begins, which
eventually covers your body.
In my case, it all
began in my scalp and is now systemic throughout my
body. Once Morgellons infects the hair follicles, the
shaft becomes dead and hollow. It then uses the hair as
a transport and "holding tank" for its particles,
leaving you with what's known as "pseudo hair." Hair you
now feel crawling in and out of your scalp that also
stands up on its own accord and begins to dance in the
air like a cobra snake. The transparent strands living
inside the hair shaft and throughout the skin are much
like spider silk... yet even stronger. Not only do they
live within the hair shaft, they connect and move thru
your body in rivers... it feels as though hundreds of
electrical wires are burning their way under the skin to
your eyes, ears, nose, mouth, and all the way down to
your toes. You feel it winding its way thru your body
and also feel it's piercing sting when it surfaces from
beneath the skin... only to release its particles on you
and into your environment again before retracting back
beneath the skin.
Morgellons also
emits a gel... with me it's been cycling 3 weeks out of
the month now. It begins to ooze from my hands and feet
and it's nearly impossible to remove from the skin once
it does. So it transfers to everything I've had to
touch just trying to slow it down. Then I go back to
clean it off the things I'd transferred it to (which
have now become a sticky glue-like mess too) which only
creates the problem again. To explain it better...
holding an object to clean it requires putting a small
amount of pressure on your hands... and a small amount
of pressure is all it takes for the gel to react and
ooze from my hands once again. So it also turns simple
cleaning tasks into a mere back and fourth hell that
sometimes takes up an entire day. I believe this Morg
gel also produces the particles and has the properties
to elongate into the sticky web-like strands... much
like how the gel a spider emits is used to create it's
own spider silk. It makes sense to me since the gel from
my hands and feet does that very same thing. In fact
looking under the scope, some of the Morgellons strands
are a match with bioengineered spider silk. Just my
opinion.
I was finally able
to see the one elusive fiber strand I've not yet been
able to see only 2 weeks ago. It took (a lot of
perseverance) and one very exact angle the specimen had
to be held at, and for the sunlight (not regular
lighting) to hit it just right for it to even come into
view. Maybe that's why it's been so hard to find. Some
of you reading this will more than likely tend to think
I'm just some loony lady, but I'm not. As I said, this
is all just as difficult for me to believe as it is for
you, even though I live it day in and day out. The
strand looked as though it was made up of the same
material inside of the "etch-a-sketch" games we played
with as kids. It looked magnetic, and frantically
frayed, with what looked like volts of electricity
pulsing thru it at a very fast rate. It shot the tiny
particles out it's entire length with enough power to
create tiny sparks. It's taken me 6 years to find it...
the one strand I felt is behind the contamination factor
of Morgellons. I've searched for it since year 3 of my 6
year fight. Course, finally seeing it with my own eyes
makes me wish I'd never even begun my search.
Those of us with this disease have
learned so much about it... but only because it was an
unknown disease. So we've had no other choice being we
were pretty much (and still are) on our own to try and
find any kind of remedy we could to ease the horrific
symptoms. It brings me to tears knowing all we've
learned though. The reason being, is we can't seem to
get much response from those who could help to even
listen to what we have to say. There's no doubt in my
mind that all of the research done by those of us who
suffer would be a tremendous benefit to the ones who
could help our situation. So we keep hoping and continue
to convey all we've learned to make that happen.
Why it infects
some and not others is still one of many questions
there's yet to be an answer for. Although along with
others, I believe the Morgellons contaminate began in
the environment... and how I became infected by it. Once
I became infected though, it also spread easily from me
right into my own living environment as well. It also
transferred to my car, and my precious dogs whose lives
it eventually took. I can show you how easy it was for
the contamination to spread from me into my own living
space as well... especially via its gel-like substance.
I was looking at a
sample under my scope one day, when a drop of the gel
Morgellons emits thru the skin had oozed from my finger,
landing on the scope's base...
It quickly permeated the base and
adhered to it faster than I could remove it. So I felt
the opportunity had been presented for me to research
what it might bring. I left the scope completely alone,
only to look thru it from time to time to see what the
gel might produce. It began growing a network of tubes
and fibers. I captured the growth by photographing it in
weekly intervals. I won't post them all here as my story
is long enough as it is. But from the picture of the gel
that oozed from my finger above, this was the first of
what began to occur...
Within 2-3 months
time, it had produced a network completely covering the
base of the scope...
An even longer story short; the
growth eventually lifted from the base... although the
initial drop of gel from my finger remained. Being it
had permeated the base initially (and with no additional
help from me) the process began to repeat itself for a
second time. Within the same 2-3 month period of time,
the base was completely covered in a network of fiber
strands all over again. Same growth, different pattern
the second time...
Once this second growth lifted,
there were even more areas of gel permeated into the
scope base. I finally sent the scope to a Morgellons
researcher and was told it seems to be mutating once
again for a third time.
In the 6 years
I've had this disease, I've helplessly watched it
consume my environment as well as me. It surrounds me
now as though I'm wrapped in a cocoon which there
doesn't seem to be a way for me to even try to escape
from anymore.
Myself and other
Morgies have also removed "chips" that look much like an
RFID tracking device from our bodies. The chip I removed
from my arm looked like a tiny spec of glitter, not much
larger than the period at the end of this sentence. It
had the ability not only to change in color, but in
structure as well...
It began to change in color...
and then began to change in
structure as well...
Then something suddenly began to
emerge from within the chip itself...
The chip eventually returned back
to its initial state and is finally being sent to a lab
for analysis and identification.
Morgellons also causes confusion,
an inability to concentrate, and effects one's motor
functions, hearing and vision. Speaking of vision, it's
becoming more and more difficult for me to see how and
if I'll be able to endure the nightmare.
As I said,
destroying my body and all I've ever known life to be
isn't where Morgellons stops. It's invasion and
contamination continues on in my environment. It's in my
clothes, my car, and everything in my home... down to my
toothbrush and even my dishes and silverware. I continue
to see it, feel it, and experience the hell it's causing
everywhere I go. It's taken me and all that I knew and
loved about life, and turned it into a lonely, confusing
and painful world. My energy and strength have been so
compromised that I'm left a tired, beaten down woman
today.
In the last 6
years that I've had Morgellons, myself along with fellow
sufferers have had no choice but to learn all we could
through our own research. We've also sent letters to
senators, congress, health departments, and the like, to
bring it the attention it must be given. We've made a
lot of strides... and we have indeed learned a lot. Yet
we still haven't found an answer.
I know the telling of life with
Morgellons hasn't been a fairy tale for you to read...
and isn't one. But in one respect, I have
gained something important while living inside the
nightmare.
When a disease as bizarre as this
turns your life into a lonely living hell, with no means
of escape... you begin to learn much more than what
you're trying to learn about the disease itself to try
and survive it.
Having this disease soon taught
me how very precious life really is... I learned even
more about the meaning of love and that our hearts
should always be filled with that love. I learned enough
to know if the day ever comes with the answer that will
put this nightmare to an end, and enable me to live life
again... I will live it without taking one second for
granted. I'll take the time to enjoy and embrace each
and every moment I've been given. I will love purely in
each and every one of those moments... and give what I
have to those who need it more. I'll share laughter and
joy and never complain... and do all I can to bring
peace to those who are suffering.
I can only hope and pray now for
what once was life again... to be free of this nightmare
and live it once more with all that I've learned.
New Zealand, clean green, anti nuclear, and full of sheep. I
was born in England, emigrated as a toddler and have always
thought
myself lucky, privileged even to live here. Us Kiwi's are
open minded and easy going. We are passionate about our
country, our people and speak up loudly against things that
may pollute our space. We speak with our wallets when a
company tries to feed us GE fed foods. We hassle the
tourists we see littering. We want labels on everything
saying what's in it. We want to know where our foods come
from, what it's packed in and how it was fed and reared.
When something we think is wrong comes up, we come out of
our homes, drive our tractors up Parliaments steps. We speak
up loudly, publicly and we keep doing it en mass till things
change.
I'm very much hoping that this is the case now. That those
of you who read my story, a tale I've heard again and again
from others mouths, as if it was my own, will stop; take
the time to consider what someone has intentionally brought
to God's Zone.
And more importantly what we are going to do, now it's here?
If you search for NZ and Chemtrails there's web sites and
personal
sightings popping up nationwide. I've lived all over our
country. Often working in agriculture and choosing mainly
rural places to live. I wanted somewhere I could raise my
children that didn't push them to fast into adulthood. Where
it didn't matter if I slept with the windows wide and left
my keys in the car. Somewhere safe.
When I was 26, I had a awful rash on my face, so bad the
Public Health Nurse saw me and followed me home. She thought
it was Impetigo and gave me Bactroban. It cleared up slowly
and I moved on. Now I'm new to this and can only draw my own
conclusions, make my own assumptions about where I
contracted what I and many others have accepted to be
Morgellons and how long I've had it. Whether I've carried
the vector with me and been infested and beat it back, only
to be infected again in a new place. Or if it's been lurking
there all along.
But two years after the Public Health Nurse followed me home
it
returned, this time with lumps and sores on my head as well
as my face. I was working around Lime at the time and washed
my face with lemon juice to relieve the itching and burning.
It stuck around for 6 months this time, long enough for me
to see several Doctors and a Dermatology specialist. He
prescribed something that was harmful to my liver. I have an
underlying health condition and this time I did something
drastic to get rid of it. It worked, and again within a
yearwe moved on.
Each winter afterwards it returned. Each time getting worse.
Taking longer to leave. Colloidal Silver, Tea tree, Kawa
Kawa, Antibiotics, Antihistamines, Steroid creams. I had
bonk sized marbles in my neck, so that I couldn't turn my
head. Lumps and sores on my head, teeth falling apart and
cripplingly painful infections in the bones of my face. We
worked our way from
South island to North. Eventually settling in the Northland
region 6 years ago. Initially I felt good with the change.
The warmer weather suited me. I planted gardens on my plant
empty section, a 100 year old house beside the rail road
tracks. I'd brought around 160 trees and plants with me
knowing the section was bare, I started to sleep better and
even to dream again.
When we got here our dog wouldn't touch the water, not from
the tap. We collected rainwater from the roof. We brought
him bottled water and got a bench top filter. (I should have
been paying more attention.) He developed an allergy,
scratched himself raw. The vet said, "You can have him
tested but it's most likely a grass rash. Lots of the dogs
here have it." Prescribed Prednisone to lower his immune
response. He developed "calcium lumps". From the medication
they said. No good we said, stop the med's. We washed his
feet daily, used something natural to soothe, and kept him
off the lawn.
On the 4th of April 2008, 10 years after the first infection
I woke
with bite sized lumps on my head. "Great" I thought, the
kids gave me nits. I treated for lice without checking. By
the 21st of April, I was sitting on the Doc's doorstep,
waiting for him to open. Head pounding and large lumps and
sores. I begged him to lance the lumps, anything to relieve
the pressure. He disagreed, took a swab, started me on a
antibiotic that wouldn't make my liver play up. The first
swab came back as a 'heavy growth staphylococcus aureus',
'heavy growth normal flora'. With a list ofantibiotics it
was susceptible too. And so it began.
We followed the list and it just got worse. More
antibiotics, huge
daily doses. I couldn't go near the windows or into the sun.
My local GP ordered all sorts of tests, but nothing seemed
to give him any answers. I have been dismissed by other
Doctors, sometimes with arrogance, sometimes I felt out of
sheer frustration. My local GP was flexible about my wish to
use natural choices when possible. He listened when I
started to research and offer
suggestions. If he felt it was relevant he ordered the tests
I asked
for, although I often frustrated and perplexed him, he never
begrudged me his time, was always concerned and kind. Swab
after swab, not sleeping, or sleeping from sheer exhaustion
upright, fatigued beggaring belief, food intolerance so it
got to the point where I could eat almost nothing. I kept
clothes in 4 sizes because my weight would fluctuate.
You can laugh boys and girls but I'd wake up with breasts 3
sizes
larger than when I'd slept. Severe muscle and joint pain.
When I slept it was like waking up in a car crash, slapping
concrete. No middle ground, wide awake or out to it. I felt
like my skull had changed shape, but that made no logical
sense. I'm no wimp, they breed 'em tough where I come from
and I'd been dealing with my underlying complaint and it's
lack of immune response and various issues for half my
lifetime. The pain was so bad I was in limbo a lot of the
time. Running on auto pilot, taking a back seat in my mind
and watching day after day pass with no respite. The itching
and burning never stopped.
I gave myself designated scratching times. I smelt like
super strong vinegar and rotting flesh. I was extremely
sensitive to temperature changes. Cold was horrific, breeze
on my head was a kick in the gut. I got angry with my local
GP, thinking I had a M.R.S.A. going untreated. Frustrated
that they weren't proactive and didn't give me intravenous
anti's or hospitalize me and get rid of the damn thing. I
felt like he was out of his depth but pushing on instead of
saying... "Look elsewhere, I just don't know".
I stopped touching my kids early on,was manic about alcohol
prepping and fastidious with cleaning my nails. I kept my
grooming tools and towels separate. He sought a specialists
but my liver meant the registrar at the hospital decided who
I should see and often I'd wait months thinking I was to see
an infectious disease specialist or dermatologist only to
find myself bumped back to the Liver Doc.
Seeing that man once was enough for me. If you're out there
Liver Doc and you recognize me reading this. You need to
take a big step back and check for a bedside manner. Take a
page from my GP's book. You,more than anything I went
through, came so close to pushing me over the edge. If I'd
let myself be hurt by your cruelty instead of getting angry.
I wouldn't be spilling my guts here today.
I didn't want a biopsy thinking I had a M.R.S.A. It wasn't
my liver doing this, my functions were always within range
regardless of how sick I was. I wanted you to help me, not
accuse me of infecting others, of being a 'secret drug
abuser' or doing it to myself. He dashed all my hopes,pooh
poohing any ideas for a future cure liver wise. Telling me
they wouldn't offer me treatment because it wouldn't work
well enough and then pushing me into it. Fairy tales of
terrible side effects in research trials to put me off
waiting.
He prescribed a 7 day dose of this stuff that made me
vampirish and an accompanying whacking great dose of more
light sensitive antibiotics. I cried red tears, pee'd red,
had altitude sickness, and fevers. I went to sleep a
brunette and woke a couple of hours later with the colour
gone from my hair. Hair that had been falling out in
handfuls and clumps. The kitchen might as well have been a
million ,miles away. When it didn't work it was prescribed
over again for longer. I could rave on and on but just rinse
and repeat. This has been my life these past years.
Eventually my local GP said he didn't know what to do and I
started to haunt the medical centers. Skin biopsies, showed
only non pathogens. Yet reading through my test results
today I see a recurring sentence. "There is a gradient of
cardiovascular risk, across the normal range and at higher
levels." I started to slur my words. Struggling to read
bedtime stories to my youngest. I lost my eidetic memory and
much of my 'self' with it. I'd given up the things I enjoyed
paring down to the barest of basics. My house plants died,
so did my fish, my dog had seven benign tumours
removed the worst in his chest, he got worse not better.
I had depth perception problems, cart wheeling lights and
worm like shapes across the back of my eyes. My vision was
terrible. I wore sunglasses to read in a 40 watt light. It
got so I couldn't stand the sound of my children's voices.
Fake it till you make it, was over. I couldn't make my body
do what I needed it to any more. I reached out for help and
almost lost my children in the process. I stopped taking
anything but the pain relief.
I was able to separate the liver symptoms from the others
and went back to the computer. Entering my mental issues
along with my physical symptoms gave me a page of symptoms.
I had all but seven. I didn't believe what it was telling
me... Nah, madness, ridiculous. I snooped around, reading
all the sites like this one. I found some folk that were
making sense to me and followed them back to a forum. I was
told, baking soda and saturated salt showering and bathing.
I saw no harm in it and thought... why not?
You guys that suffer with me know what I found in my bath.
Worms, fibres, chunks of plastic, plasticine like stuff.
Things I thought were veins lifted from my legs and floated
away, fibres came from my breasts. That night I slept in
satin bedclothes, satin sheets. Woke to hundreds of glassine
cactus like prickles in my bed, I swept them with my hand
only to have them turn black and start chewing their way
into me. I ran for the baking soda, had hold of one by the
tail with tweezers and still it escaped into my flesh.
They poured from my eyes, eyebrows and head. The next day I
was in town with a girlfriend. I could barely breathe. She
gave me her mum look about to tell me not to scratch. I was
crawling, stuffing my hands into my pockets. I couldn't
stand it. Thought I had lost my mind. I stuck a finger in my
ear at the lights and pulled a worm, much like the one shown
on my tooth
pic's
here, from my ear.
We got to the library and my girlfriend looked at me. "Don't
freakin' move" she said. She had been watching a black slug
like thing gnaw it's way out of a lesion at my forehead and
move across my hair. She works as a caregiver and is pretty
fearless. Reached up and plucked it from my head. She
brought me a digital microscope on loan the next day. I
searched more information and vacuumed like crazy.
My youngest complained of 'prickles' in her feet and I
looked in time to see one of these black slug like things
disappearing into her foot. I made a baking soda poultice
and the next day took her to our local beach for the day. We
have one of the highest saturated salt beaches in the world,
more salty than my bath.
Misery for me. Big holes in my fingers arms and legs as they
ate their way back in. I wormed her. A friend sent me some
of your Bio enzyme.We can't get it here.
It took over four weeks of eating acid foods and breaking
all the
rules to stop the shedding. I had to find a way to protect
my child.
By 3 pm every day I am crawling with them. In the sun or
normal bath they pour from my eyes and nose. Worm like
things with millipede legs came from inside me, bug like
things from my scalp. the pressure in my head is often
intense and I throw bristles that later hatch the mite
things. The scab like fibreglass, with a tongue like a
shellfish, or claws. The goo ate through latex gloves.
I'd tweezed the scab from my head seeking relief, was
looking at it over a lamp in a glass dish. What are those
blue wormy things? It got hot and exploded with spider like
mites towards me. They moved like something unnatural. So
quick and like nothing I'd ever seen before except in horror
films when they release the nanobot robotic spiders.
I can understand why folks find this so hard to believe. I
was seeing it, the people around me too and I couldn't
accept it. It makes no sense to find so many subsets of
species working together. So many different looking "things"
in one host.
My older kids seem to be immune. They find white eyebrow and
lash like hairs, which I think is their fathers superior
immune system giving response. My youngest has a different
father. I've had to arrange for her to live elsewhere and
soon so I can try more salt bathing tolighten the load. I
can't put into words how much it breaks my heart to have her
go. How hard it has been supporting my children with verbal
stroking instead of touching.
How isolated I have become. How determined I am not to be a
'harbinger of plague.' I noticed a marked improvement in my
cognitive abilities. I could stand a 60 watt light and some
types of music again. I couldn't have composed a sentence
before. Let alone this epic response. I'll spit it out now
in case I can't later.
We bathed the poor dog in the Bio enzyme. Every pore, every
orifice spewed the same sorts of things. At least a third of
his hair wasn't hair. My son sick to his stomach at the
sight, spewed on the dog brush. They came alive with the
acid writhing like maggots. He says that he touched them and
they didn't try to get into him. Yet they pursue my youngest
around the house. Every surface in our house that an insect
touches seems to kill it. I'm talking roaches and
earwigs...not butterflies.
I see the fibres in my bed and all through the house. In the
ground outside. Morgellons like mould in my tomatoes and
plants. We don't eat out of our garden any more. The dog
comes in riddled again from outside and seems to know now to
stay off the ground. I had to get rid of all my natural
fibre clothing, and blankets. They breed in it.
Two months ago I received a letter in the mail. A Skycopter
company warning of spraying 4 different chemicals along the
rail road track. I though whoa, 100 years this house has
stood by the tracks. I checked on the local grapevine and
with my kids friends. Only the houses directly beside
received these letters. In 5 or 6 years here it's the first
I've had. Ask lots of questions if you pick up a 'Staff'
infection, or have trouble breathing, hearing, or with your
vision. Stay inside if you think there is aerial spraying.
Did I scare you Joe public? Good. Because this is something
anyone with sense ought to fear. Be afraid for your
children.
For your pets, your elderly, your sick. Your teenagers with
what looks like terrible acne. Be afraid for your hale and
whole, your neighbours, loved ones and friends. Be afraid
for your self and your country. ACT NOW.
Dust off and fuel up those tractors New Zealand. Support our
misaligned American friends. Raise your voices, step out of
your homes and stand up. Before we have no need for a
national anthem. No All Blacks or All Whites to put on the
sports field.
Please don't ignore this and end up like me.
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