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Personal Stories

 

Sunny Simmons

Crystal River 

Bannanny

Kay-New Zealand

If you are interested in having your personal stories and/or photographs published on this website send me an email. Also, I have access to the stories submitted for the Morgellons Notebook and will publish any of them upon the original authors request.

 

 

Life With Morgellons - Sunny's Story
From Sunny Simmons
9-24-9
 
I have been a Registered Nurse since 1977. Never in my worst nightmare could I have dreamed the events in my life in the past several years. My nightmare began back in the fall, 2001. This is when I developed what was thought to be contact dermatitis; a fancy name for skin rashes. Next, I was told it was head & body lice or even scabies. This was not too far from the impossible & considered to be just a job hazard. I worked as a Public Health Dept R.N. I was treated by my office docs, initially, without much thought to it. However by Nov. 2001 it was clear that something more involved was going on and I saw my first dermatologist. He did a few punch biopsies of sores on my legs and arm. These came back as inflamed tissue, negative for parasites. No further tests were done. I will never forget the last time I saw him. He came into the room with one assistant; he then left. Upon returning he had 4 assistants with him. He said to me, "I don't know why you think you have bugs in your skin but you don't. He gave me a prescription for Orap. I sat in my car in the parking lot and cried for a good hour. I never went back.
 
In January 2002, I was found by a local police officer wandering in the middle of the night in the midst of a severe thunderstorm. Thinking I was a victim of crime, I was taken to ER and had a CT scan, which was normal. I have no memory of this entire episode.
 
In April 2002, my hair on the left side of my head totally sloughed off while shampooing. About this time lab work by my general MD began coming back with severe anemia & abnormal differentials. However, my employer made me consult a Psychiatrist. This doctor (Psychiatrist and a long time colleague) was upset that my real illness was being ignored. He ordered a few tests just to get started and stated that an Infectious Disease Doctor should manage this. The MRI he ordered in May 2002, was not done until July 2002. It was shockingly positive for a few scattered unidentified lesions in the white matter of all areas of the brain. This was explained as possibly "normal aging process" However; the CT scan from Jan '02 & previous MRI from 1997 were completely normal. (I was actually told that the MRI was normal and only found out the real results by accident).
 
This is just a brief view of how life changed for me after being infected with Morgellons. I'm sure all details are not necessary. I will just do a condensed version of my Medical Situation since being infected with Morgellons Disease. I was in a unique position to be able to view this situation from the patient's side as well as the medical providers'.
 
Outline of medical "care"
 
-- Summer, 2001 Initially began as allergic rash poss. lice or scabies;
 
--treated off and on with various ointments, etc.
 
-- only brief periods of relief & became worse over time;
 
--Fall, 2001 generalized dermatitis, sores on scalp, neck, shoulders, back, legs, feet, ankles, arms, hands, wrists;
 
-- red streaks noted from wrists to between fingers; on neck, arms, and legs. First derm doctor who was a shocking disaster as previously described.
 
--April, 2002 --Acutely worsened with development of breathing difficulties, chest - pleuratic pain; generalized skin lesions including linear red streaks on neck, throat, legs, feet;
 
--allopecia with scalp lesions, pedal & pretibial edema in L leg;
 
-- Vision & neuro changes including decreased sensation with numbness L arm -L leg, slurred speech, severe headaches;
 
--urinary incont.
 
--Lab CBC and differential continued mild to moderately abnormal.
 
-May, 2002- Psychiatric, Neurological and Dermatology referrals
 
-- Neuro consult recommended referral for vision issues;
 
9-2002 2ND derm doc told me not to see neurologist, eye specialist or any other doctor AND not to have any lab work done. He Rx'd Zyprexa, which I was to take for the next month. After being on this medicine, he would then decide if I needed to go to the other doctors. One dose of Zyprexa put me to sleep for 3 days; dose reduced per phone call with Dr's office;
 
--Received letter from Dermatologist office-- had fungal culture report back from July '02 testing which revealed Aspergillus-no further follow up persuaded since it was felt to be an unimportant finding; about 2 week before I had received a letter from him (2ND derm doc) dissolving our physician-- patient relationship, no explanation;
 
-- 10-2002 sudden onset of loss of vision L eye. (This was less than a month since the derm doc had told me not to go to any other Dr's.) Obtained emergency appointment at SCO. Associated Professor at the Southern College of Optometry found something in my L eye which he was unable to identify; appeared as brown speckles in the orbit, eyeball, tissue on underside of eyelid; also noted an absence of the normal pulsation on left side which indicated a blockage of blood flow to left brain- this would sort of validate the neuro symptoms but still not identified the causative agent.
 
--Infectious Disease Consult testing inconclusive recommended referrals for biopsy of eye tissue & spinal tap for spinal fluid analysis. Did not obtain due to the derm docs orders.
 
--12-2002 discovered Morgellons Research Foundation. It was Christmas Eve, possibly the worst one of my life. As a direct result of this disease, I had lost my marriage of over 20 yrs; my 2 sons were confused and frightened--not to mention the fact that their futures were forever changed due to our financial situation. I was forced into bankruptcy to avoid losing our home.
 
--In 12-2002, MRF had made connections with a retired NASA Physician in Houston, TX. He was interested in seeing some of the Morgellons patients. I traveled to his office from Memphis, Tn.
 
--In Feb '03, I was his 4Th patient to be diagnosed with Morgellons Disease. Eventually, lab work done later would confirm Lyme Disease, too.
 
-- --In June '03, my medical insurance ended. COBRA was $700.00 a month. After the bankruptcy was paid, I was left with $500.00 a month to live on. Imagine 3 people living on that--utilities, gas, car maintenance/repairs, food, medicines, school supplies, etc. It just doesn't work very well. Because of my sick leave benefits being $2070. I could not get any assistance. It was not taken into consideration that the bankruptcy court took nearly $1600.00 before I received anything. These were the very same agencies that I personally supported as well as worked with while in my position in Community Services at the public health dept. Never in my entire life had I sought help, but now I truly needed it. I was stunned to be told that my income to too high to qualify for ANY help. This could not be happening!? It did. Reality hits hard with life's lessons.
 
--This next year (2003-2004) was even worst than the previous. I had no medical insurance, limited finances, no family support, teenage sons to care for (the youngest of which is handicapped), and a disease no one knew about. When it is said, "My plate is full" I understand first hand the meaning. My faith in God is the only force that kept me going.
 
-- In July of 2003, two things happened. First, I had an acute worsening of neurological symptoms and was admitted to the hospital. Since I was in Memphis, my Houston physician was not able to manage my care. No one from this local hospital called him as a professional courtesy. The 2ND day I was there, an infectious disease doctor came in my room. He stood at the door; it was about 6 AM. From the edge of the room, he said that he did not believe in Lyme Disease, and mentioned several other diseases, too. He proceeded to inform me that he was the only I.F. doctor on staff at that hospital; he sternly stated that he would "not be involved with this disease" and added that since no other I.F. doctor was available, I was out of luck. On his way out, he stated, "Of course, you do have your doctor in Texas!" He slammed the door upon leaving. This whole scene took maybe 3 minutes. I still relive it almost daily. I was in awe of this behavior. I had been a medical professional for 26 yrs, yet, never had I treated or seen a patient be treated in such a manner. I was discharged home in a few days, no better and without any answers.
 
Then, the next disaster hit. On July 22, 2003, a STORM with straight flat line winds of 102 mph hit our county. My home was nearly destroyed. The entire county and surrounding areas were declared Federal Disaster Areas. Due to my physical condition and lack of personal support, my homeowners' insurance company managed to get by without completely restoring my home. This is still a deplorable situation that I have to contend with every day.
 
In August of 2004, I qualified for TennCare. At last I had medical coverage. Before, even if I could manage to cover a doctor visit, it usually was impossible to obtain the medications Rx'd, and any lab requested was even further away. My last visit to Houston had been in July'04. My doctor there had written several Rxs as well as essential lab requests. I still had them. As soon as I was notified of receiving TennCare, I had the lab drawn and obtained the medications. TennCare truly saved my life.
 
The loss of dignity and respect are the worst part of Morgellons. I am a medical professional and have been for better than a quarter of a century. I have been certified as an expert in my field by the Tenn courts and testified in cases for the state. I was well thought of and respected. How could that be ripped from me? Why was I suddenly not believed concerning the signs and symptoms of this disease? What had happened to the medical providers that wanted to actually care for patients?
 
In Sept. of 2004, my doctor in Houston retired from clinical practice--to focus on research. No one in Memphis, a supposedly major medical center, knew about or was willing to learn about Morgellons Disease. It was financially impossible for me to continue traveling to the few medical providers actually treating Morgellons. They were located in areas such as California, North Carolina, Texas. Even having medical coverage, I still could not get proper medical treatment. For the next 7 months, I continued following my Houston doctors protocol as best as I could. I am just thankful that I was a nurse and could understand and follow upon what he had begun. Most Morgellons patients were on their own. And, most are nurses as well.
 
In February of 2005, a physician in New Mexico came forth with information about Morgellons Disease. He had been treating patients there with this same condition, although termed it "The Fiber Disease" and "Lisa's Disease". He had been researching this strange infection and had developed a preliminary protocol for treatment. He had experienced some amount of success, although the research was an on going process. A full clinical research program should have been formed, but that takes money--lots of money. MRF had very limited funds. Morgellons patients were typically, as financially deflated as I was. The CDC tried to ignore our existence. Public Health Depts which are mandated by laws to protect the public ( & one at which I actually worked) were of no help either.
 
In March of 2005, a local physician in my area and I crossed paths. I had been seeing providers in the office for depression related to my disease and situation. This wonderful physician learned of my dilemma and sought me out. It seemed that he had other(s) which had symptoms like mine. He invited me to make an appointment, which I immediately did. In March 2005, I saw him for the first time, I provided the latest information about Morgellons for him to read as well as contact numbers of others involved, Initially, he followed the plan started by my retired physician in Houston, After a while, he spoke with the physician in New Mexico via phone. I began the new protocol in April of 2005. After a rough start, I began to dramatically improve, Over the past several years, medications have been updated, adjusted; remissions and relapsing experienced intermittently; and best of all, had hope restored for my future as well as the futures of my children. Yes, this wonderful physician welcomes any and all Morgellons patients to his office. He has seen about 12 and helps other docs with theirs, too.
 
As we move into yet another new year, I look towards the horizon with hope & a strong sense of purpose. These past years have been so horrible. But, I have come to realize that if I had not had all the bad stuff, I would never have met such grand and marvelous people who have enhanced my life to the max! Today, I am still sick & continue to try a varied protocol of medications. The victories have been few, but oh so very sweet. I have about 10 good days a month, & they are scattered about (not all together). The 8-month remission I experienced during the spring & summer of 2005, gave me a burning determination to find the answers we all need. I will never stop until God directs me home.
 
Sunny
http://www.thenmo.org
 

Hear more from Gwen (Sunny) Simmons:

 

MORGELLONS SPECIAL No. 21
Cliff Mickelson/Gwen Simmons
What Happened To CDC Morgellon's Investigation?
MP3 Audio File

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!~~~~~~

 Crystal  River

I contracted Morgellons 29 years ago at the age of 22; I have lived longer with it than without. It started when I moved to a new subdivision started by my uncle and father in Wellington, Utah. We lived in the subdivision without incident for a time and than the privatized sewage plant began to have issues.

I had one little girl who was 3 at the time and became pregnant with the other while living in our new home. The second pregnancy was a difficult one due to an Rh negative factor. After the birth of my second child I decided to have a tubal but a month after this I discovered I was pregnant again. I carried the baby for six months; all the time having strange sores on my body.

My husband's personality began to change and he became very aggressive. I lost the baby after six months and my life began to go into a downward spiral--one thing after another.

I got an itchy spot on my leg, one scratch and it opened to a mucus looking stuff. I didn't sleep for many weeks; this was very difficult having two small children that depended on me. I had my aunt that was a pharmacy assistant come and look and see if she could suggest something I could use
as it had become unbearable. I was too tired to go to the doctors and was grateful for her advice; albeit nothing worked and most things only seemed to make it worse.

Than it just went away, the sore healed strangely but I was so glad for it to be gone and thought I was out of the woods. Than came another sore; this time on my arm. The sore was located between my elbow and wrist on the inside; knowing how the first sore had healed so strangely I didn't scratch at all. Not wanting to let it get to me, I was outside doing yard work when I saw the crust had opened up and I could see inside
something that looked like thick black fishing line. I knew that was incorrect and thought perhaps it was something that had poked in from the outside; I figured I needed to get it out.

I went into my home and grabbed a pair of tweezers and some Neosporin. I put the tweezers down in my arm about 3/4 of an inch and grabbed the black line--boy was I surprised--I pulled and it pulled back. At the same time in my upper arm I felt something squeeze around my muscle. The squeeze was so hard it dropped me to my knees in pain and black oil came from my brow, face and neck area.

The first doctor I described this to asked, "What has the government done now?" He gave me a few things and it finally healed up but something wasn't right inside of me.

I had what seemed like lice at one point and scabies also; but really don't think that is what they were. I had always been very clean and organized and suddenly I couldn't think, couldn't read numbers in a phone book and would have to call my mom for help; it was awful.

My finger seemed to be pointing in several directions at the same time as to how I was infected. The sewage plant was my first thought and they were having problems. It smelled just like an outhouse in July for several years; it was so bad that tourists driving through the area wrote articles of concern for the residents.

I was watching my children play with some neighborhood children when I saw one little boy with a tank top on and a rash much like the one that was circling my system--that is when I went into action. I walked the neighborhood to see if others were experiencing the same thing--everyone was depleted--the rash moved around everyone's body in the same way--the endocrine system was what seemed to be affected. This can cause many symptoms and look like many different things.

I was told by several workers at the plant that it had been glowing fluorescent red. The news folks were called in and it was compared to love canal; but before they arrived from SLC (two weeks after they were called) much of the evidence was cleaned up--the plant was working 24/7 to get rid of the fluorescent red ----you could see the lights on and trucks going in and out at all hours.

I spent two years collecting evidence and in one fell swoop it was taken by a woman working for one of the corporations that I connected to the strange events. She was also involved in local politics and called to say she was offering her assistance. I broke down in tears and Thanked God for the
help---(she was just there to insure that the documentation I had would never made it to any significant source).

I even went to the public health and the director told me that the rash that was moving about my body--up one side and than down the other --over and over in the same places --was a spider.
At this point I was so disgusted--I may have been 22 and duped by the witch that took my proof but suggesting a spider is going to bite a persons body in the same places over and over--that was over the top.

A national guardsman also became ill and died around the same time; he lived on the other side of the sewage plant. He was the only one to become ill in his unit that I know of--I found that odd.

The army came in and made a statement which blamed his illness on Hanta virus but the timing was so close I never believed them.

I remember having a hard time waking from sleep and my body felt as though I must have a fever although I never registered one. I would have nightmares that were so bad I began to hate to go to sleep; waking was also a problem and with two small children to take care of I was very confused
as to what to do.

I also had Candida in every part of my body but no way to treat with the regular medical system who didn't recognize it at the time.

I remember my youngest just barely being able to sit up and putting her in the tub with her older sister. I had started the water and was on my knees with my hand under the faucet while watching them the whole time. They started saying it is too hot--to me it felt lukewarm --- that but they insisted. So I quickly grabbed them and pulled them out of the tub.

My husband had come in and began screaming at me and saying I was crazy. I couldn't feel the heat from the water--I would never do anything to hurt my children.

Several months later my sister was visiting and I dropped something in a large, deep pan of boiling water. She went to get something to scoop it out and I just put my hand in and grabbed it--my skin didn't even go red. When she turned and saw what I was doing her face fell in disbelief; but she had just seen it with her own eyes.

I remember when I first made this comment and posted a warning--after some science was looked into--they had me post a Huge warning!

There was more weirdness that occurred with electrical devices. I would walk by lights and they would go on and off--the TV would change channels just by my walking by it. One day I recall the washer not working, the dryer, dishwasher and TV--my husband came home to me in tears and he walked through and turned them all on. Streetlights would also go on and off as I drove under them.


My family all but disowned me during this period of time, the sun had become my enemy and I wore dark glasses even in the house as my eyes were so sensitive to the light. I was accused by everyone of doing drugs and I wasn't.

My hair began to fall out and the sores were so bad that I would only shop at night; but this also had its drawbacks. The electronic eye at the store would not register me and I had to wait until someone else came to do my shopping. I began to think perhaps I'm dead-----

I kept loosing weight; between the vomiting and the diarrhea I dropped to 65lbs and looked like something from a concentration camp.

I made two appointments with two different environmental toxicologists in SLC, Utah; which was two hours from my home. The appointments were scheduled for the same day thinking I could save frustration and the cost of gas money.
I arrived at my first appointment right on time and was told that my attorney called and they wouldn't be able to see me. Not feeling well enough to argue; I proceeded to my next appointment where I got the same story!!! At this point; I asked to use their phone to call my attorney; he was confused and said he hadn't called and wondered what the hell was going on.

Needless to say, no one saw me that day and I realized that I was up against many odds---I didn't even register the odds I was up against fully until these last few years.

Over the years I was to receive different articles suggesting something sinister was afoot but who would listen. One magazine was called "Garbage" and showed the connection to the mob; another was a newspaper article that mentioned dimple dell golf course.

I also received a packet about 12 years ago--more on that later--


------------------------------------

Here is the part of my story that may be connecting dots:

A national guardsman also became ill and died around the same time; he lived on the other side of the sewage plant. He was the only one to become ill in his unit that I know of--I found that odd.

The army came in and made a statement which blamed his illness on Hanta virus but the timing was so close I never believed them.

----------------------------------------------
The above part of my story could very well be something to do with why the Army Pathology was called into the CDC investigation; albeit I don't expect much truth to come from it.
-------------------------------------------------
And what of the sewage plant fluorescing red


Check this out:
RedGlowingGel

Read more from Crystal River; Her posts can be read here:

Rumor Mill Reading Room

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

By Bannanny from So. California

 

Akin to cancer, Morgellons has no regard for ones life. I've tried everything possible these last 6 years to try and defeat this disease. But all it's brought me is useless searching... and a financial drain as well. At this point, I've been unable to find anything to even help relieve the symptoms. Morgellons has taken all I ever knew life to be and turned it into a living hell. It also took the lives of my sweet dogs, and my heart will never stop hurting for that reason alone. It's taken my body and allowed my mind to leave me feeling all alone in a thick fog... and it dares me to try to find my way home. It's also brought me to have feelings of such regret knowing now that I'd never even realized how good life once was.

 It quickly attacked my faith as well, and any hope that someone somewhere would find the answers so a cure might be found... or a way found for the body to reject it. But there still are no answers... so it remains on it's path of destruction as it continues to invade my body and my environment. It also tries to invade my soul... but at least I have God to protect me from it ever being able to take that from me.  

 
The "sci-fi" properties Morgellons holds seem to be one of its deadliest weapons. It's a disease one would never imagine could even exist in our world. It also has the ability to mimic, self assemble, replicate, and hide itself to where the body's own immune system is never sent a signal to attack it. The only attack that takes place is one that only heightens the fear and loneliness you're already feeling... an attack brought on by the mere telling of its symptoms.

To reach out for help requires an explanation ... but instead of listening with any amount of compassion, you're attacked and judged about your state of mind. Talking about Morgellons to anyone who's not experiencing it will only give them reason to believe you've gone insane... which fills you with even more fear and emptiness inside. Then there are those in the medical field you once trusted would help you. Not only will they not even bother to examine or test you... they step back and immediately give you a diagnosis of delusional. Again... you feel as though you're a frightened child trying to wake from a nightmare. But instead, the nightmare doesn't end... you've been locked in a dark room and left there to find ways to survive the disease on your own. At least my family has never questioned my sanity... and I thank God for that too. They've supported me and fought for me all the way. But it was when I found others who are suffering this disease that gave me the strength and courage to go on.

 
It was the beautiful people at the support group I found who understood and knew what this disease does to one's life. They gave me the validation I so desperately needed... I knew I wasn't alone anymore. I could talk openly about what was happening to me without the fear of being judged as a mental case. No matter how bizarre the symptom, they understood every single word I said. It didn't even matter if they were suffering terribly on any given day... they were always there for me. They became my lifeline then and they still are today.

As far as my old friends go, I lost most of them due to Morgellons... friends who decided I'd lost my mind instead of believing I was suffering a disease. After experiencing that, I never expected I'd end up making new ones. But I did through my support group... and they've become some of the most beautiful friends I've ever known. Even though each one is fighting for their life, their hearts have remained full of love and compassion. Because of them, I was also finally able to let go of the need I had for my long time friends to believe what I'm experiencing is real. It was the support I needed and found elsewhere that finally made me realize how difficult it must be for those who haven't been afflicted to be able to grasp onto something so bizarre... and to believe it's real. I think most people would have to experience this disease first hand to be convinced it is indeed very real. Even though I live it day in and day out myself, it's still hard for me to believe it is. But it is... the Morgellons nightmare is very very real.

 
I thank God every day for leading me to my support group. To friends He knew would give me the love and support I'd need to get through this ordeal. I also pray for each of us to find the strength within to go on and that a cure be found soon. I pray for the ones who couldn't bear the pain any longer too... their lives gone forever, taken by suicide.

Every Morgie has allowed suicide to enter their mind at one point or another... including myself. The general public hasn't been informed about what it's effects are, other than it produces skin lesions, "fibers", and causes biting and crawling sensations. But there's so much more that needs to be told to understand the horrific effects of it on the body... and mind. To understand why it's brought some of its victims to suicide...

Morgellons produces electricity... giving you more than the normal amount the human body holds. At times you feel like high voltage wires are shooting through every nerve ending in your body. To see actual sparks in your skin (or as I do, see them emit thru the tips of my fingers when I strike the keys on my keyboard) and to feel electrifying jolts of pain throughout your body, doesn't even begin to describe Morgellons.

The fiber strands feel like a metal corkscrew with an electrical charge twisting in and out of your skin. Once they become embedded and adhere beneath the skins surface, they begin to elongate and connect... and the building of a network (much like a fungal network) begins, which eventually covers your body.

In my case, it all began in my scalp and is now systemic throughout my body. Once Morgellons infects the hair follicles, the shaft becomes dead and hollow. It then uses the hair as a transport and "holding tank" for its particles, leaving you with what's known as "pseudo hair." Hair you now feel crawling in and out of your scalp that also stands up on its own accord and begins to dance in the air like a cobra snake. The transparent strands living inside the hair shaft and throughout the skin are much like spider silk... yet even stronger. Not only do they live within the hair shaft, they connect and move thru your body in rivers... it feels as though hundreds of electrical wires are burning their way under the skin to your eyes, ears, nose, mouth, and all the way down to your toes. You feel it winding its way thru your body and also feel it's piercing sting when it surfaces from beneath the skin... only to release its particles on you and into your environment again before retracting back beneath the skin.

Morgellons also emits a gel... with me it's been cycling 3 weeks out of the month now. It begins to ooze from my hands and feet and it's nearly impossible to remove from the skin once it does. So it transfers to everything I've had to touch just trying to slow it down. Then I go back to clean it off the things I'd transferred it to (which have now become a sticky glue-like mess too) which only creates the problem again. To explain it better... holding an object to clean it requires putting a small amount of pressure on your hands... and a small amount of pressure is all it takes for the gel to react and ooze from my hands once again. So it also turns simple cleaning tasks into a mere back and fourth hell that sometimes takes up an entire day. I believe this Morg gel also produces the particles and has the properties to elongate into the sticky web-like strands... much like how the gel a spider emits is used to create it's own spider silk. It makes sense to me since the gel from my hands and feet does that very same thing. In fact looking under the scope, some of the Morgellons strands are a match with bioengineered spider silk. Just my opinion.

I was finally able to see the one elusive fiber strand I've not yet been able to see only 2 weeks ago. It took (a lot of perseverance) and one very exact angle the specimen had to be held at, and for the sunlight (not regular lighting) to hit it just right for it to even come into view. Maybe that's why it's been so hard to find. Some of you reading this will more than likely tend to think I'm just some loony lady, but I'm not. As I said, this is all just as difficult for me to believe as it is for you, even though I live it day in and day out. The strand looked as though it was made up of the same material inside of the "etch-a-sketch" games we played with as kids. It looked magnetic, and frantically frayed, with what looked like volts of electricity pulsing thru it at a very fast rate. It shot the tiny particles out it's entire length with enough power to create tiny sparks. It's taken me 6 years to find it... the one strand I felt is behind the contamination factor of Morgellons. I've searched for it since year 3 of my 6 year fight. Course, finally seeing it with my own eyes makes me wish I'd never even begun my search.

 
Those of us with this disease have learned so much about it... but only because it was an unknown disease. So we've had no other choice being we were pretty much (and still are) on our own to try and find any kind of remedy we could to ease the horrific symptoms. It brings me to tears knowing all we've learned though. The reason being, is we can't seem to get much response from those who could help to even listen to what we have to say. There's no doubt in my mind that all of the research done by those of us who suffer would be a tremendous benefit to the ones who could help our situation. So we keep hoping and continue to convey all we've learned to make that happen.

 Why it infects some and not others is still one of many questions there's yet to be an answer for. Although along with others, I believe the Morgellons contaminate began in the environment... and how I became infected by it. Once I became infected though, it also spread easily from me right into my own living environment as well. It also transferred to my car, and my precious dogs whose lives it eventually took. I can show you how easy it was for the contamination to spread from me into my own living space as well... especially via its gel-like substance. 

I was looking at a sample under my scope one day, when a drop of the gel Morgellons emits thru the skin had oozed from my finger, landing on the scope's base...

 

 

It quickly permeated the base and adhered to it faster than I could remove it. So I felt the opportunity had been presented for me to research what it might bring. I left the scope completely alone, only to look thru it from time to time to see what the gel might produce. It began growing a network of tubes and fibers. I captured the growth by photographing it in weekly intervals. I won't post them all here as my story is long enough as it is. But from the picture of the gel that oozed from my finger above, this was the first of what began to occur...

 

 Within 2-3 months time, it had produced a network completely covering the base of the scope...

 

 

An even longer story short; the growth eventually lifted from the base... although the initial drop of gel from my finger remained. Being it had permeated the base initially (and with no additional help from me) the process began to repeat itself for a second time. Within the same 2-3 month period of time, the base was completely covered in a network of fiber strands all over again. Same growth, different pattern the second time...

 

 

Once this second growth lifted, there were even more areas of gel permeated into the scope base. I finally sent the scope to a Morgellons researcher and was told it seems to be mutating once again for a third time.

In the 6 years I've had this disease, I've helplessly watched it consume my environment as well as me. It surrounds me now as though I'm wrapped in a cocoon which there doesn't seem to be a way for me to even try to escape from anymore.

Myself and other Morgies have also removed "chips" that look much like an RFID tracking device from our bodies. The chip I removed from my arm looked like a tiny spec of glitter, not much larger than the period at the end of this sentence. It had the ability not only to change in color, but in structure as well...

 

 

It began to change in color...
 
 
 
and then began to change in structure as well...
 
 
Then something suddenly began to emerge from within the chip itself...
 
 
The chip eventually returned back to its initial state and is finally being sent to a lab for analysis and identification.
 
Morgellons also causes confusion, an inability to concentrate, and effects one's motor functions, hearing and vision. Speaking of vision, it's becoming more and more difficult for me to see how and if I'll be able to endure the nightmare.

As I said, destroying my body and all I've ever known life to be isn't where Morgellons stops. It's invasion and contamination continues on in my environment. It's in my clothes, my car, and everything in my home... down to my toothbrush and even my dishes and silverware. I continue to see it, feel it, and experience the hell it's causing everywhere I go. It's taken me and all that I knew and loved about life, and turned it into a lonely, confusing and painful world. My energy and strength have been so compromised that I'm left a tired, beaten down woman today.

In the last 6 years that I've had Morgellons, myself along with fellow sufferers have had no choice but to learn all we could through our own research. We've also sent letters to senators, congress, health departments, and the like, to bring it the attention it must be given. We've made a lot of strides... and we have indeed learned a lot. Yet we still haven't found an answer.

 
I know the telling of life with Morgellons hasn't been a fairy tale for you to read... and isn't one. But in one respect, I have gained something important while living inside the nightmare. 
 
When a disease as bizarre as this turns your life into a lonely living hell, with no means of escape... you begin to learn much more than what you're trying to learn about the disease itself to try and survive it.
 
Having this disease soon taught me how very precious life really is... I learned even more about the meaning of love and that our hearts should always be filled with that love. I learned enough to know if the day ever comes with the answer that will put this nightmare to an end, and enable me to live life again... I will live it without taking one second for granted. I'll take the time to enjoy and embrace each and every moment I've been given. I will love purely in each and every one of those moments... and give what I have to those who need it more. I'll share laughter and joy and never complain... and do all I can to bring peace to those who are suffering. 
 
I can only hope and pray now for what once was life again... to be free of this nightmare and live it once more with all that I've learned.
 
As one of my dear Morgie friends always says...
 
love and light to all  ~~  bannanny
 
To View All of Bannanny's Photos Link:  "Here"
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"Aotearoa", Land of the long white cloud?

By Kay from New Zealand



Hands up who's seen Lord of the Rings?


New Zealand, clean green, anti nuclear, and full of sheep. I was born in England, emigrated as a toddler and have always thought
myself lucky, privileged even to live here. Us Kiwi's are open minded and easy going. We are passionate about our country, our people and speak up loudly against things that may pollute our space. We speak with our wallets when a company tries to feed us GE fed foods. We hassle the tourists we see littering. We want labels on everything saying what's in it. We want to know where our foods come from, what it's packed in and how it was fed and reared.

When something we think is wrong comes up, we come out of our homes, drive our tractors up Parliaments steps. We speak up loudly, publicly and we keep doing it en mass till things change.
I'm very much hoping that this is the case now. That those of you who read my story, a tale I've heard again and again from others mouths, as if it was my own, will stop; take the time to consider what someone has intentionally brought to God's Zone.
And more importantly what we are going to do, now it's here?

If you search for NZ and Chemtrails there's web sites and personal
sightings popping up nationwide. I've lived all over our country. Often working in agriculture and choosing mainly rural places to live. I wanted somewhere I could raise my children that didn't push them to fast into adulthood. Where it didn't matter if I slept with the windows wide and left my keys in the car. Somewhere safe.

When I was 26, I had a awful rash on my face, so bad the Public Health Nurse saw me and followed me home. She thought it was Impetigo and gave me Bactroban. It cleared up slowly and I moved on. Now I'm new to this and can only draw my own conclusions, make my own assumptions about where I contracted what I and many others have accepted to be Morgellons and how long I've had it. Whether I've carried the vector with me and been infested and beat it back, only to be infected again in a new place. Or if it's been lurking there all along.
 

But two years after the Public Health Nurse followed me home it
returned, this time with lumps and sores on my head as well as my face. I was working around Lime at the time and washed my face with lemon juice to relieve the itching and burning. It stuck around for 6 months this time, long enough for me to see several Doctors and a Dermatology specialist. He prescribed something that was harmful to my liver. I have an underlying health condition and this time I did something drastic to get rid of it. It worked, and again within a year we moved on.


Each winter afterwards it returned. Each time getting worse. Taking longer to leave. Colloidal Silver, Tea tree, Kawa Kawa, Antibiotics, Antihistamines, Steroid creams. I had bonk sized marbles in my neck, so that I couldn't turn my head. Lumps and sores on my head, teeth falling apart and cripplingly painful infections in the bones of my face. We worked our way from
South island to North. Eventually settling in the Northland region 6 years ago. Initially I felt good with the change. The warmer weather suited me. I planted gardens on my plant empty section, a 100 year old house beside the rail road tracks. I'd brought around 160 trees and plants with me knowing the section was bare, I started to sleep better and even to dream again.

When we got here our dog wouldn't touch the water, not from the tap. We collected rainwater from the roof. We brought him bottled water and got a bench top filter. (I should have been paying more attention.) He developed an allergy, scratched himself raw. The vet said, "You can have him tested but it's most likely a grass rash. Lots of the dogs here have it." Prescribed Prednisone to lower his immune response. He developed "calcium lumps". From the medication they said. No good we said, stop the med's. We washed his feet daily, used something natural to soothe, and kept him off the lawn.

On the 4th of April 2008, 10 years after the first infection I woke
with bite sized lumps on my head. "Great" I
thought, the kids gave me nits. I treated for lice without checking. By the 21st of April, I was sitting on the Doc's doorstep, waiting for him to open. Head pounding and large lumps and sores. I begged him to lance the lumps, anything to relieve the pressure. He disagreed, took a swab, started me on a antibiotic that wouldn't make my liver play up. The first swab came back as a 'heavy growth staphylococcus aureus', 'heavy growth normal flora'. With a list ofantibiotics it was susceptible too. And so it began.

We followed the list and it just got worse. More antibiotics, huge
daily doses. I couldn't go near the windows or into the sun. My local GP ordered all sorts of tests, but nothing seemed to give him any answers. I have been dismissed by other Doctors, sometimes with arrogance, sometimes I felt out of sheer frustration. My local GP was flexible about my wish to use natural choices when possible. He listened when I started to research and offer
suggestions. If he felt it was relevant he ordered the tests I asked
for, although I often frustrated and perplexed him, he never begrudged me his time, was always concerned and kind. Swab after swab, not sleeping, or sleeping from sheer exhaustion upright, fatigued beggaring belief, food intolerance so it got to the point where I could eat almost nothing. I kept clothes in 4 sizes because my weight would fluctuate.


You can laugh boys and girls but I'd wake up with breasts 3 sizes
larger than when I'd slept. Severe muscle and joint pain. When I slept it was like waking up in a car crash, slapping concrete. No middle ground, wide awake or out to it. I felt like my skull had changed shape, but that made no logical sense. I'm no wimp, they breed 'em tough where I come from and I'd been dealing with my underlying complaint and it's lack of immune response and various issues for half my lifetime. The pain was so bad I was in limbo a lot of the time. Running on auto pilot, taking a back seat in my mind and watching day after day pass with no respite. The itching and burning never stopped.


I gave myself designated scratching times. I smelt like super strong vinegar and rotting flesh. I was extremely sensitive to temperature changes. Cold was horrific, breeze on my head was a kick in the gut. I got angry with my local GP, thinking I had a M.R.S.A. going untreated. Frustrated that they weren't proactive and didn't give me intravenous anti's or hospitalize me and get rid of the damn thing. I felt like he was out of his depth but pushing on instead of saying... "Look elsewhere, I just don't know".

I stopped touching my kids early on,was manic about alcohol prepping and fastidious with cleaning my nails. I kept my grooming tools and towels separate. He sought a specialists but my liver meant the registrar at the hospital decided who I should see and often I'd wait months thinking I was to see an infectious disease specialist or dermatologist only to find myself bumped back to the Liver Doc.

Seeing that man once was enough for me. If you're out there Liver Doc and you recognize me reading this. You need to take a big step back and check for a bedside manner. Take a page from my GP's book. You,more than anything I went through, came so close to pushing me over the edge. If I'd let myself be hurt by your cruelty instead of getting angry. I wouldn't be spilling my guts here today.

I didn't want a biopsy thinking I had a M.R.S.A. It wasn't my liver doing this, my functions were always within range regardless of how sick I was. I wanted you to help me, not accuse me of infecting others, of being a 'secret drug abuser' or doing it to myself. He dashed all my hopes,pooh poohing any ideas for a future cure liver wise. Telling me they wouldn't offer me treatment because it wouldn't work well enough and then pushing me into it. Fairy tales of terrible side effects in research trials to put me off waiting.

He prescribed a 7 day dose of this stuff that made me vampirish and an accompanying whacking great dose of more light sensitive antibiotics. I cried red tears, pee'd red, had altitude sickness, and fevers. I went to sleep a brunette and woke a couple of hours later with the colour gone from my hair. Hair that had been falling out in handfuls and clumps. The kitchen might as well have been a million ,miles away. When it didn't work it was prescribed over again for longer. I could rave on and on but just rinse and repeat. This has been my life these past years.

Eventually my local GP said he didn't know what to do and I started to haunt the medical centers. Skin biopsies, showed only non pathogens. Yet reading through my test results today I see a recurring sentence. "There is a gradient of cardiovascular risk, across the normal range and at higher levels." I started to slur my words. Struggling to read bedtime stories to my youngest. I lost my eidetic memory and much of my 'self' with it. I'd given up the things I enjoyed paring down to the barest of basics. My house plants died, so did my fish, my dog had seven benign tumours
removed the worst in his chest, he got worse not better.


I had depth perception problems, cart wheeling lights and worm like shapes across the back of my eyes. My vision was terrible. I wore sunglasses to read in a 40 watt light. It got so I couldn't stand the sound of my children's voices. Fake it till you make it, was over. I couldn't make my body do what I needed it to any more. I reached out for help and almost lost my children in the process. I stopped taking anything but the pain relief.

I was able to separate the liver symptoms from the others and went back to the computer. Entering my mental issues along with my physical symptoms gave me a page of symptoms. I had all but seven. I didn't believe what it was telling me... Nah, madness, ridiculous. I snooped around, reading all the sites like this one. I found some folk that were making sense to me and followed them back to a forum. I was told, baking soda and saturated salt showering and bathing. I saw no harm in it and thought... why not?
 

You guys that suffer with me know what I found in my bath. Worms, fibres, chunks of plastic, plasticine like stuff. Things I thought were veins lifted from my legs and floated away, fibres came from my breasts. That night I slept in satin bedclothes, satin sheets. Woke to hundreds of glassine cactus like prickles in my bed, I swept them with my hand only to have them turn black and start chewing their way into me. I ran for the baking soda, had hold of one by the tail with tweezers and still it escaped into my flesh.

They poured from my eyes, eyebrows and head. The next day I was in town with a girlfriend. I could barely breathe. She gave me her mum look about to tell me not to scratch. I was crawling, stuffing my hands into my pockets. I couldn't stand it. Thought I had lost my mind. I stuck a finger in my ear at the lights and pulled a worm, much like the one shown on my tooth pic's here, from my ear.

We got to the library and my girlfriend looked at me. "Don't freakin' move" she said. She had been watching a black slug like thing gnaw it's way out of a lesion at my forehead and
move across my hair. She works as a caregiver and is pretty fearless. Reached up and plucked it from my head. She brought me a digital microscope on loan the next day. I searched more information and vacuumed like crazy.

My youngest complained of 'prickles' in her feet and I looked in time to see one of these black slug like things disappearing into her foot. I made a baking soda poultice and the next day took her to our local beach for the day. We have one of the highest saturated salt beaches in the world, more salty than my bath.
Misery for me. Big holes in my fingers arms and legs as they ate their way back in. I wormed her. A friend sent me some of your Bio enzyme. We can't get it here.


It took over four weeks of eating acid foods and breaking all the
rules to stop the shedding. I had to find a way to protect my child.
By 3 pm every day I am crawling with them. In the sun or normal bath they pour from my eyes and nose. Worm like things with millipede legs came from inside me, bug like things from my scalp. the pressure in my head is often intense and I throw bristles that later hatch the mite things. The scab like fibreglass, with a tongue like a shellfish, or claws. The goo ate through latex gloves.

I'd tweezed the scab from my head seeking relief, was looking at it over a lamp in a glass dish. What are those blue wormy things? It got hot and exploded with spider like mites towards me. They moved like something unnatural. So quick and like nothing I'd ever seen before except in horror films when they release the nanobot robotic spiders.


I can understand why folks find this so hard to believe. I was seeing it, the people around me too and I couldn't accept it. It makes no sense to find so many subsets of species working together. So many different looking "things" in one host.
My older kids seem to be immune. They find white eyebrow and lash like hairs, which I think is their fathers superior immune system giving response. My youngest has a different father. I've had to arrange for her to live elsewhere and soon so I can try more salt bathing tolighten the load. I can't put into words how much it breaks my heart to have her go. How hard it has been supporting my children with verbal stroking instead of touching.

How isolated I have become. How determined I am not to be a 'harbinger of plague.' I noticed a marked improvement in my cognitive abilities. I could stand a 60 watt light and some types of music again. I couldn't have composed a sentence before. Let alone this epic response. I'll spit it out now in case I can't later.

We bathed the poor dog in the Bio enzyme. Every pore, every orifice spewed the same sorts of things. At least a third of his hair wasn't hair. My son sick to his stomach at the sight, spewed on the dog brush. They came alive with the acid writhing like maggots. He says that he touched them and they didn't try to get into him. Yet they pursue my youngest around the house. Every surface in our house that an insect touches seems to kill it. I'm talking roaches and earwigs...not butterflies.


I see the fibres in my bed and all through the house. In the ground outside. Morgellons like mould in my tomatoes and plants. We don't eat out of our garden any more. The dog comes in riddled again from outside and seems to know now to stay off the ground. I had to get rid of all my natural fibre clothing, and blankets. They breed in it.

Two months ago I received a letter in the mail. A Skycopter company warning of spraying 4 different chemicals along the rail road track. I though whoa, 100 years this house has stood by the tracks. I checked on the local grapevine and with my kids friends. Only the houses directly beside received these letters. In 5 or 6 years here it's the first I've had. Ask lots of questions if you pick up a 'Staff' infection, or have trouble breathing, hearing, or with your vision. Stay inside if you think there is aerial spraying.

Did I scare you Joe public? Good. Because this is something anyone with sense ought to fear. Be afraid for your children.
For your pets, your elderly, your sick. Your teenagers with what looks like terrible acne. Be afraid for your hale and whole, your neighbours, loved ones and friends. Be afraid for your self and your country. ACT NOW.


Dust off and fuel up those tractors New Zealand. Support our
misaligned American friends. Raise your voices, step out of your homes and stand up. Before we have no need for a national anthem. No All Blacks or All Whites to put on the sports field.
Please don't ignore this and end up like me.

     

 

   

 

 

 

 

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